“You can’ stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
I started this blog the day I finished my therapy. Funny enough I thought I would be totally cured from my disorder the day they dismissed me….Well was I wrong about my disorder again haha.. I got dismissed, not because I was cured, but because I had all the tools that I needed to get better. Habits don’t change that quickly, when you have the tools it is all about practice. So now it was in my own hands to keep fighting for it to change my habits. The cycle way home I cried my eyes out. I did not want to stop the therapy. I was so scared to do it alone. I knew myself. I knew that if I would have no one checking up on my “getting- better-goals” that my disorder would get stronger by the day. I needed that reminder to work at it, just like therapy was for me.
It was at that moment that I decided to write. Because if I wanted to get better each day, I had to work at it each day. Every second of the day I need to make the choice to choose my own health over my disorder. Every second of the day I had to practice with questioning my thoughts in order to change them. So I decided to write a blog. Not only in order to get all my thoughts to paper, but also because a blog acts like a bulletin board to me. It gives me little reminders each day to keep fighting to change the habits. To take a step back and question my thoughts every single time, in every single situation. I know now that my disorder is not about my past, my food. It is about not wanting to deal with emotions. Slowly but surely I am learning that I can not stop these waves, but I can learn how to surf them.